It's kind of pathetic, reading back through the archives of my journal, how many years I've struggled with deriving any enjoyment from cosplay. I spent YEARS improving my craftsmanship, contributing to the community, and attending conventions. It was the primary aspect of my identity. So as the cosplay community got to be more and more about attention, my unpopular self not only felt invalidated as a cosplayer, but as a person. I mean, if you make creation the purpose for your existence, what are you supposed to do when your creations fail to give you any joy or satisfaction?
I read a book called Art and Fear recently at the recommendation of my ceramics professor. One of its arguments is that allowing your art to become who you are is self-destructive. It turns critiques into attacks, it turns periods of artistic plateau into depression, et cetera. I wish someone had recommended it to me when I was in high school, because it probably would have made me a much happier person in general. UGH. Oh well, at least I learned eventually!
Anyways, I quit. I will go to Otakon this year, because I bought tickets already and told someone I'd cosplay as Oriko with them, but then I'm done. No more. This hobby has become the bane of my existence. It cripples my esteem, it turns solitude into loneliness, it eats my wallet and it fills my house with crap that I pathologically hate looking at as soon as it's finished.
Anyways, next entry will be something fun and sewing-related.